“México en la Piel”

Esta es la frase que en el momento siento corriendo por mis venas.

This is the phrase that at this very moment I feel corsing through my veins.

The name of the street I live on is San Luis Potosi, the name of the town my grandmother grew up on. The people on the subway all remind me of my family members my brothers and sisters and cousins; and of myself. We have similar features, similar skin tones, heights. The music that wakes me up early in the morning or  keeps me up at night reminds me of Saturday mornings, waking up with my little feet on the cold ground and the sound of my siblings laughing. The street food, reminds me of my mothers cooking, I can pronounce every name, recite every ingredient. As a First Generation Mexican-American student, being able to come to CDMX, México has been a lot like coming home and at the same time, like learning so much about a culture I grew up loving and knowing but not actually being in.

Being here has taught me so much about kindness, hard work, faith, cultural references, activism and much much more. At times, I do feel like an outsider. Ni de aqui ni de alla, sometimes I don’t know certain music, references, customs (like the time I accidentally took a glass bottle, whoops!), or how my tongue sometimes seems to swell while reciting the words of the language I first learned to speak. At times, I feel like an outsider in my own body. I feel like I am not enough. But in the U.S, I am not American. People constantly ask me where I’m really from, micro-aggressions are constant. Ni de aqui ni de alla, neither here nor there.

But what I am learning is that there is so much power in this, I am a mix of two cultures. I have the ability to be inside but outside. This allows me to appreciate, to critique, and to demand more. To demand more equality, to demand change, to see what is missing and understand what is there. I demand more not because I am unappreciative, but because we deserve more. I share in two beautiful cultures. I am my ancestors fighting and thriving, I am my parents sacrifices, I am the American Dream. And one day, I am going to change the world. Part of me feels like I already have.

PS: There is so much more! I haven’t even begun to dive into the amazing work done at Casa Gaviota, my internship. I just wanted to begin by reflecting on a few discoveries made while being here. Stay tuned to read about that and more. Also, huge THANK YOU to CISLA staff for aiding me through this process before and after and for this opportunity which has already began to change me for the better.

P.S.S: Photo is from my trip to Teotihuacan Pyramids